


Emo Ed Hates Preps

by PastelCaterpillar



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is around the same age, Gay, Multi, eds so emo, emo edward nygma, setting is like mid 2004, they're all like...19 or over, this is a parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21986185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelCaterpillar/pseuds/PastelCaterpillar
Summary: Gotham college au set in, say, around 2004? Edward is an early 2000's emo kid totally enamored with Oswald. Because Oswald looks like something out of a Panic at the Disco music video.
Relationships: Jonathan Crane & Jervis Tetch, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Tabitha Galavan/Barbara Kean
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Emo Ed Hates Preps

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before season 5 even aired and never finished it. And I never will. So, I apologize in advance that it's so short and ends so abruptly. I hope it makes you laugh regardless. Obviously this is written as a parody. I'm so sad I don't have the motivation to continue this one too...would've been cool to see Bruce eventually show up. I headcanon him as being so naive and nice to Ed even though Ed's so mean to him. ,,,, sob

“ _AUGH_! Whatever, dad!!! You wouldn’t get it anyways!! My roommate obviously doesn’t have a brain!! I swear to God!! He’s _so_ annoying!!”

Edward stares angrily into the mirror in the bathroom of his empty dorm. He tousles his jet black, straightened, emo hair as his father talks some bullshit about a lame, Thanksgiving dinner on the phone. _Augh_! Does he actually think Ed would want to be a part of _that_? How dreadful! Holidays were just another shitty excuse for his family to try and relate to him. _As if_! “That’s ridiculous, dad, I’m not going. I have way too much to study. You’d know that if you actually went to college!” His father sighs on the other side of the black, T-Mobile Razer. There’s a few edgy looking Invader Zim stickers pasted on the back of it from his last visit to the Hot Topic at the mall in his hometown. _Goddamn did he miss that Hot Topic_. That Hot Topic was the one that had those checkered, green Converse he liked so much. After a few more minutes of his dad’s annoying begging on the phone, he gives in, reluctantly, mind you. “ _SURE_! Whatever! _Finnnneeeeee_! I’ll be there! But I am _NOT_ going to eat any of that shitty honey ham your senile mother makes!” He hears his dad cheer gleefully from the speakers of the phone, and pinches the bridge of his nose as he sighs with intense irritation. “Goodbye, _dad_.” With a swift hand, his nimble fingers ( _the nails of them painted black_ ), snap the phone shut. His father hadn’t even gotten the chance to say goodbye back, but he didn’t care. He had far too much work to do. Class would be starting soon! Why the fuck had his dad called him so damn early? He flicks his arm to toss the shitty phone onto the counter of the bathroom sink, the expanse of the space littered with countless hair sprays, eye shadows, and bottles of hair dye. The only items in the space owned by his roommate were a single bottle of expensive cologne and even more expensive hair gel. What a fuckin’ prick. His dark eyes throw a quick glance at the clock on the wall, which has an outer glass that has been cracked and broken. The damn thing barely works, but it reads: 9:00 am. _Dammit_! He had only thirty-five minutes until his first class started and he hadn’t even picked out an outfit yet! With an incredibly obnoxious groan, Edward pads his bare feet along the cold, tiled floor, over to his disorderly bed. His clothes are messily thrown together in crusty cardboard boxes beneath the bed, which is covered with a massive pile of black and green blankets. One of the blankets is a special, soft fleece one with a Nightmare Before Christmas print. That’s his most favorite blanket of them all. He squats to sift hastily through the cardboard boxes, muttering curses to himself about his unbridled feelings of loathing for his prep of a roommate. The clothing he settles on is a set of his favorite: A tight, striped, long sleeve black and green shirt. On top of it, he’ll wear his most treasured, black, MCR t-shirt. _Oh_! And the pants? Obviously, he’s picking his Hot Topic skinny jeans ( _which are, of course, also black. DUH!_ ). He thinks for a moment. _Hmmmmm_. Maybe he could add his checkered belt too? _Fuck yes_! His black converse ( _the ones he’s written The Used lyrics all over in ballpoint pen_ ), are also perfect for this outfit. Picking out his clothes for the day had definitely been the best part of the morning so far. To some degree, the process had improved his mood enough to the point where he may ( _and chances are very slim_ ) be able to socialize with the outside world and not hate everyone for talking to him. With the final addition of some rubbery Hot Topic wristbands, Ed feels that it’s finally time for him to head to class. Grabbing his backpack, which is neon green ( _he thought you should know_ ), he reaches for his IPod and pops in the headphones. With one last glance at the dorm room, the lights are flicked off and the door is locked. The voice of Gerard Way rings through his pierced ears while he walks to class. Perhaps, by some miracle, the day wouldn’t be so bad.

“Oh, _come on_ , Ed, Bruce can’t be that bad of a roommate. He seems pretty closed-off to me. He’s definitely not a prep.” Edward’s beautiful, goth friend Tabitha tries to reason with him from her side of the table they’re sitting at in the food court of the university. Ed scoffs, rolling his eyes at her through his thick-framed glasses. He’s scribbling down some complicated equations in a workbook, barely paying any real attention to the friend group around him.

“ _Oh_ , give me a break, Tabby, he’s _so_ annoying.” He pushes his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, “Do you have any idea how often he tries to talk to me? He’s always asking me if I’m okay. He’s always like, “ _Edward, do you need anything, Edward_?” Like, do I even look like I want to talk if I’ve got my headphones in? And you should see the cologne he owns! It’s the most expensive shit I’ve ever seen!!” He sighs, agitated, “Like, _Fuck off_ , you prep.” Another one of his friends, Tabitha’s girlfriend Barbara, who is also goth as all hell, chuckles lightly at his words.

“It sounds to me like he’s just looking out for you, Ed. Do you _really_ have to be so cruel?” She leans over the table, her eyes appearing rather suggestive as she continues, “Besides, isn’t he, like, really cute too?” she giggles, poking her tongue out. Ed ignores her statement and continues with his writing.

“ _Not_ my type.” He states flatly. Beside Edward, in the booth he’s sitting at with Tabby and Barbara, is his friend Jonathan, who’s dressed in a simple black hoodie and peering tiredly down at a Gameboy. His brown eyes, carrying an accusatory look, glance towards Ed through his long hair.

“And just _what_ is your type?” Jonathan mutters so quietly it’s almost inaudible. His thin fingers are pressing quickly at buttons on the Gameboy. Tabitha laughs from the other side of the table, putting an arm around Barbara.

“Gerard Way is his type, remember John?” She pokes, and the table erupts in various giggles. Even Johnathan, who’s usually somewhat emotionless, can’t help but chuckle quietly with a cute grin on his face. Ed puts his face in his hands, one of them still holding his pen. He moans in aggravation.

“Please, _goddammit_ , not this again…” he pleads, his face beginning to flush a bright red.

“C’mon, Eddy! Remember when you were drunk that night at Jervis’s place?” Tabitha asks slyly, and Barbara’s eyes widen in anticipation for the rest of the story. She starts erupting in a fit of giggles, bouncing excitedly.

“Oh my god! _Oh my god_! That was incredible!” She claps her hands, “Eddie you were _so_ wasted!”

“He was, right?!” Tabitha brings a hand to her face as she begins to lose herself in her laughter. Edward is clutching at his hair tightly and resting his head on the table. He makes noises of disapproval, growing angrier by the second.

“Please… _stop_ your shit…guys.”

“But we haven’t even gotten to the best part!!” Tabby chokes out. Barbara pats her on the back, continuing the story for her since she’s too caught up in her giggles to keep telling it.

“ _Holy fuck_! John! Can you believe it? Ed was so drunk he was hanging all over Jerome!! He was sitting there telling him about how much he wanted to Gerard Way to fuck-“ Edward slams his fists on the table in an embarrassed fit of rage.

“Barbara, please, shut the _FUCK_ up!!!” He stresses loudly. It’s loud enough that it shocks the two girls out of their laughing and causes Johnathan to jump, but not loud enough that it disrupts the chatter of the entire food court. There’s a moment of silence while Ed is breathing heavily during his fit of frustration. Johnathan has taken to snickering silently next to him, turning his Gameboy off and slipping it into his own backpack. Barbara and Tabby are quietly giggling too, but Edward ignores them to the best of his ability.

“So, _anyways_! John, are Jervis and Jerome coming by today? They said they’d be here last night on MSN, but I haven’t seen them yet.” Tabby is typing away a text on her Blackberry phone when she asks the question. Johnathan shrugs, pulling his own phone out of his pocket.

“No idea. It’s only, like, what, eleven right now, though?? Jervis mentioned somethin’ about showin’ a new guy around today too, so, they could be a bit. The guy’s some spoiled, rich kid from upstate.”

“Wouldn’t it be hilarious if it was Bruce Wayne? Can you imagine the look on Ed’s face if Jervis brought little ol’ Brucie here for lunch?” Barbara jokes. Tabby nods, letting out an adorable giggle in response.

“Nah, he’s already met Bruce. And at least Bruce is a nice dude. This guy can apparently be a real bitch sometimes.” John’s texting as he softly speaks, sniffling a little bit and rubbing his tired eyes, “ _goddamn_ do I need a coffee.”

“ _Oh_?” Tabitha looks up from her phone at John, “Sounds just like Eddie-boy, _hm_? Maybe he could be the perfect guy for him, am I right?” Edward leans back from the homework he’s continuing to work on, tilting his head up towards the ceiling.

“ _Augh_ , Tabitha, _please_ …” In the background of food court bustling, Ed and the group overhear the odd sound of a voice arguing with one of the baristas at a counter. Within moments, the room has gone quieter, including the conversation amongst Ed and his pals. Edward lowers his gaze from the ceiling, to the direction of the obnoxious argument echoing throughout the building. “What the fuck is going on over there?” He whispers, leaning forward to try and get a better look at the uncomfortable scene. Tabby shakes her head, squinting her eyes and standing up to get a better view.

“I don’t fuckin’ know. Maybe some asshole got an overcooked egg on his sandwich again?” She shrugs, and they all realize that the argument has erupted into shouting. Johnathan winces.

“Guess I’m not gettin’ my coffee.” John says under his breath, and sighs.

“I _DO NOT_ UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE SO DAMN IGNORANT!” The culprit’s voice causes everyone to halt their speaking, but they don’t seem to notice. Their attention is focused completely on what they’re yelling about. “I ASKED _SPECIFICALLY_ FOR A _DECAF_ CARAMEL MACCHIATO. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? _DEE-CAF_!” they slam their fist on the countertop where a barista is standing. Said barista jumps, startled, and looks as though she’s about to cry. “HOW CAN YOU ASSUME THAT I WON’T TASTE THE DIFFERENCE? BECAUSE I WILL. _OH,_ I ALWAYS WILL. SO, _GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER_!!” Tabitha has made a move to stand up and watch the scene from her position. She’s got her arms crossed as she scoffs.

“ _Holy fuck_. Can you believe this guy? Who the hell is he?” She points a finger, while Barbara laughs subtly. That’s when Edward leans his body to the side, and finally manages to get a good look at the person shouting. And ho-ly fuck is he something else. The guy yelling is fairly short, carrying a cane and leaning over with a slight limp. He’s dressed in a fine, tailored suit and has an incredibly expensive looking messenger bag around his shoulder. The shirt underneath the suit is a deep purple, which is a fucking excellent color on him, Ed thinks. His face is angular, his nose pointed and bird-like. His hair? A gorgeously spiked, darkened style. Ed can barely breathe after he takes in the guy’s full appearance. He’s absolutely stunning and super fucking hot. _Goddamn_. Not only that, but he’s screaming so confidently at some prep who fucked with him? _Ooooh_. Edward can’t help but continue to stare, his mouth hanging open. He knows he’s practically drooling over a stranger, but he can’t help it. When the guy continues with his pissed off rage, Ed feels his skinny jeans growing tighter. _Oh fuck_.

“WHEN I COME BACK NEXT TIME, _OH_ , YOU HAD BETTER HOPE I DO NOT SEE YOU AGAIN, LADY!” With one, final huff, the mysterious and fucking sexy man is hobbling away with- _oh fuck_ - _OH SHIT_!! Jervis?? And Jerome?? _HOLY SHIT_!! The silence of the food court has all but awkwardly dissipated as the scene ends. The barista left behind at the counter turns around to run off with her head in her hands. A few of the other baristas follow after her, and her crying can almost be heard over the chatter of the room. Tabitha returns to her spot next to Barbara, leaning forward at the table and covering her face in embarrassment.

“He’s coming right this way, you guys! He’s the fucking guy! I’m gonna fucking- _holy shit_ -I’m gonna fucking kill Jervis!” Tabitha puts her head on the table, while Johnathan sinks into his seat with wide eyes. His hands hide themselves in his hoodie pocket. He doesn’t say anything, even when Jervis is walking carefully towards him with a regretful look on his face. Jervis’s eyes are wide too when he sits next to John, he smiles with clenched teeth.

“I am _so_ fucking done with this guy right now.” He whispers to the group, but fakes a smile when the object of their annoyance is coming in close. Ed swallows nervously, a faint blush painting his pale cheeks.

“Where’s Jerome? I just saw him!” Tabby whispers to Jervis, furrowing her brows as she looks around rapidly for their redheaded friend. Jervis shrugs, biting the inside of his cheek.

“No fucking clue! I think he bailed!” He suddenly perks up in a false manner, reaching out a hand to introduce everyone to the dreaded newcomer, “ _anYWAYS_!!! Everyone, this is Oswald. He’s new, he came from upstate, and he has a _lot_ of fucking money!” Jervis says passively. The new guy, called Oswald, nods with a satisfactory smirk. Ed blinks, feeling the air leave his lungs once more. His smirk is so fucking confident.

“Well, hi, _poor baby_ , did you get your coffee?” Barbara asks him in a way that is clearly mocking him, and he most definitely notices. The smirk on his gorgeous face is, in that moment, replaced with a subtle scowl. He squints.

“No, actually. As a matter of fact, my dear, I decided that I’ll wait for coffee until after class, thank you.” His voice is even better from a close distance. Not to mention, now that Ed has a better look at his face, he notices that he even has freckles. _FRECKLES_!!! He can’t help but think about what it would be like having that face, dusted with those freckles, staring down at him with that uptight smirk while he- “Now, dear Jervis, don’t you think it’s only polite that you tell me everyone’s names? If I am to be spending time here with your friends, I have to know each and every one of their names!” Oswald laughs, leaning forward with his hands placed on his cane. Goddamn, did he always speak like that? Does he always talk so damn fancy? Jervis nods. There’s a subtle hint of discomfort in his facial features, and he reaches an arm around to rest it behind Johnathan. He begins to make little pointed gestures with a hand as he says each of the names of his friends.

“Right, _uhm_ … _hmm_ ” Jervis points next to himself at Johnathan first, “This is John, he doesn’t say much. He’s cute as a button and needs to stop drinking so much coffee!” he laughs, John shakes his head, but lets out a small chuckle.

“Shut up, J.” He whispers, nodding his head at Oswald to acknowledge the odd man’s presence. Oswald nods back, smiling in a way that would look way more inviting if one hadn’t seen him scream at an innocent barista just moments ago. With another laugh, Jervis ruffles John’s hair and points in the direction of Edward, who becomes incredibly flustered. This is the first moment that he and Oswald make eye contact, and Ed can practically feel himself melting into the floor below him. He’s terrified that Oswald can see how red in the face he’s become, but he waves a bony hand as a hello anyways.

“That edgy looking one over there is Edward. He’s an asshole, and he _loves_ Hot Topic.” Jervis states, and Ed’s dark eyes widen in embarrassment. He reaches over to smack Jervis on the arm, which causes the rest of the group to snicker at his clear bashfulness.

“Cut it out, Jervis!!” He scolds after smacking him, and then turns his attention back to Oswald. The glamorous guy gives Ed a genuine smile and reaches out a gloved hand to shake Ed’s. Edward’s one-hundred percent certain that everyone can tell how so obviously nervous he is. He can feel himself beginning to sweat, while his cheeks burn crimson. His own hand, shaking and clammy, moves to return the gesture. When their hands meet, the touch feels like lighting, and he’s so fucking thankful that Oswald is wearing gloves. Thank the heavenly lord he won’t be able to feel how gross and sweaty his hand is.

“It’s _so very_ , lovely to meet you, Edward. I have no idea what a Hot Topic is! Is that a band? You’ll have to introduce me to them sometime.” His name spoken through Oswald’s voice is so melodic that Edward can’t will himself to comment on how fucking stupid it is for Oswald to think that Hot Topic is a band of all things. He doesn’t even notice his friends openly cringing around him. In fact, he also doesn’t notice their confused faces over his lack of a response. They’d clearly expected him to respond with some sort of smartass remark. Instead, he remains flustered, with his hand lingering in Oswald’s for a few seconds more.

“Y- _uh_ …… _hm_ …yeah, dude. _T-totally_.” Ed’s stammering is blatantly obvious, but Oswald is a good sport about it anyways. The shorter one lets go of Ed’s hand to join his other on top of his cane. Jervis then goes on to introduce Tabby and Barbara, with Tabby saying nothing and Barbara acting like a mischievous flirt. She pats the spot next to her and twirls her blonde hair in between her fingers as she giggles. Her eyes are half lidded. She bites her lip.

“How about you come sit next to me, _baby_?” Her words are littered with sarcasm, and Oswald doesn’t seem the least bit phased. Ed groans, trying to drag his attention back to his homework. With Oswald there, however, that’s proving to be the most difficult fucking task. Tabby rolls her eyes, and so does Jervis.

“Don’t worry about her, Oswald. She doesn’t mean a damn word of it. Girl’s the biggest fucking lesbian I know.” Jervis quips snidely. Oswald nods, his gorgeous blue eyes fluttering shut as he laughs quietly. Ed can’t help but feel his stomach curl at the sound of that laugh.

“Dude, J, can we get some coffee? I’ve been waiting for, like, an hour.” John speaks up suddenly. His voice is louder than the group is normally used to, and it causes them all to look at him in confusion. He rolls his eyes, once again, like the edgy ass college kid he is, “Don’t you all look at me like that! I haven’t had once since I left the dorm.” He shrugs, groaning. Jervis laughs, standing up and reaching a hand out for John.

“Right after I get done telling Oswald about how you drink too much of that shit, you wanna go and get a cup? You’re impossible, honey.” The group watches as the two walk away, leaving an empty spot next to Edward. It’s at this moment when Ed realizes that Oswald is still standing. He glances up at him from his work, and they make eye contact again. Oswald gives him a smile, and Ed blinks rapidly. He swallows nervously, darting his eyes away from Oswald’s so that he doesn’t end up lost in them. _Jesus_. How did this guy turn him into such a fucking pussy?

“Excuse me, Edward, do you mind if I take that seat next to you? I imagine those two will be a minute. The line over there is awfully long.” Oswald asks so politely. Ed is suddenly overcome with a feeling similar to that of giving a speech in front of a class. His stomach tightens, and his feet become shifty. He stutters for a moment, placing his head in a hand. He pretends to focus on his work.

“Yeah, sure, w-whatever, man.” He feels the need to tack on something passive aggressive to the end of the sentence to keep up appearances, but he can’t do it. The words are caught in his throat when he tries. He begins to bounce his leg and pick at his painted nails with his teeth. When Oswald gives him a “thank you” and begins making his way towards him, Ed’s breathing becomes heavier. His lungs fill with a painful anxiety, while his heart runs marathons inside of his small frame. It takes what feels like an eternity for the dark-haired guy to finally take the seat next to him. Their knees bump for a beat, Ed assumes that the skin of his own face has to be permanently blood-red by now. He doesn’t’ turn to look at the other. Instead, he looks towards Tabby and Barbara, who are both snickering silently and saying nothing. Ed squints his eyes, tapping his pencil with his other hand. He mouths a “ _what_?” at the girls, and Barbara bites her lip in that flirtatiously irritating way that Edward just can’t fucking stand. She winks at him, and takes a sip of a drink she’s left on the table. Tabby points secretly at Ed, and then to Oswald, and makes a small motion with her hand and mouth. It’s obviously hinting at dick sucking, and Ed wants to strangle her with his bony fingers when she starts laughing about it. He wants to smack her in the face, to yell at her in front of everyone, to do something. Maybe if he did, Oswald would be super impressed. The two of them could both scream endlessly at the idiots around them and then run off to fuck in one of the food court restrooms. _Holy shit_ , now that’s an image Ed could get used to.

“So, Edward, What are you studying here?” His fantasies are interrupted, ironically, by the one taking them over. He turns, suddenly, to Oswald. He halts his anxious tapping of the pencil, feeling awestruck the moment their eyes meet once again. His brown ones, covered in eyeliner, blink while he awkwardly tries to respond.

“… _hah_?” He asks stupidly. _Fuck, why was he being so damn dumb_!!!??

“What are you studying? You know, your major? What is it?” Oswald smiles sincerely, placing a gloved hand on Ed’s shoulder. The edgy-looking one jumps at the sudden touch, his pencil falling from his hand. He swallows a lump in his throat, the dryness of his mouth making him wish he’d left for coffee with his other friends. Looking down at his shoes, he tries to ignore the heat of Oswald’s hand on him.

“O-oh. Me? I’m- _uh_ -I’m studying… _uh_ …forensics.” He can’t stop stumbling over his words, especially when Oswald’s grip on his shoulder tightens.

“Oh my God! Seriously? You must be so intelligent! I couldn’t understand a lick of that stuff back at the prep-school I went to!” He’s staring wide-eyed at Edward. The crystal blue of those eyes is doing wild things to the other man. If this were any other person, he’d probably laugh. He’d probably make fun of them, call them a prep, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to. Ed nods, blushing at the idea of Oswald looking at him as intelligent. Obviously, he was, but he wasn’t going to say that out-loud.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry about the abrupt ending !!!! Thanks for readin' if ya did !!! I love you !!


End file.
